Fresh Conversations: How to Reset Relationship Dynamics with Compassion
April 2025 - Monica Maughlin
As relationships evolve, they sometimes settle into patterns that no longer serve us. Whether with a partner, friend, family member, or colleague, unbalanced dynamics can create frustration, distance, and misunderstanding. It’s possible to reset these dynamics with awareness, intention, and compassion.
By reflecting before engaging, communicating (speaking, listening and receiving information) with care, and setting boundaries with kindness, we can cultivate more relational connections. Relationship recalibrations are not about undoing the past but about creating space for renewed understanding and growth.
Let’s explore these core principles for resetting relationships in a way that fosters mutual respect and understanding.
Insight One: Reflect Before You Reach Out
Before initiating a conversation to reset a relationship, take time to reflect on your own thoughts, feelings, and needs. Identify the patterns that feel unhelpful, the triggers that cause distress, and the needs that are currently unmet. Ask yourself self-reflective questions such as:
What specific behaviors or dynamics feel challenging to me?
How do these patterns affect my emotions and well-being?
What needs of mine are unmet, and how can I express them clearly?
What role do I play in this dynamic, and what adjustments can I make?
Approaching the situation with clarity and calm increases the likelihood of a productive conversation.
Instead of reacting impulsively, grounding yourself in self-awareness allows you to communicate your needs without blame, and allows you to at least contain judgment for the higher purpose of connecting more meaningfully with the other person.
Reflection also helps uncover whether past experiences or personal fears might be influencing the present situation, allowing you to enter the conversation with greater awareness, self-compassion and understanding.
Insight Two: Communicate With Curiosity and Care
Once you’ve reflected, initiate the conversation with openness and empathy. Using “I” statements can help express your feelings without placing blame. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “When you focus on other things when I am speaking to you, I feel frustrated and hurt because I need consideration. Would you be willing to put your phone down when we are speaking?”
We can connect with others by expressing feelings and needs rather than judging, accusing or criticizing. Additional strategies for compassionate communication include:
Practice active listening: Give the other person space to share their perspective without interruption.
Ask open-ended questions: Encourage understanding by asking, “How do you feel about this?” or “What do you think we can do differently?” The following three questions are specific and can be helpful for both parties to ask of the other. Genuine curiosity and receptivity are important when asking the following:
What would you like me to start doing?
What would you like me to stop doing?
What would you like me to keep doing?
Observe without evaluating: Stick to factual observations instead of interpretations. For example, say, “I noticed that we’ve been arguing more lately” rather than “You always pick fights with me.”
Stay mindful of tone, body language, and the energy that you bring to a conversation: Nonverbal cues greatly impact how messages are received. Bring an energy of kind curiosity, where you listen to understand. Beware of harshness, sarcasm, or passive-aggressive energies.
Reiterate what you hear: Paraphrasing the other person’s words (“It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed when I bring up this topic”) reassures them that you are listening and care about their perspective.
Acknowledge emotions: Validating emotions rather than dismissing them can create a safer space for honest dialogue. Saying, “I understand that this might be difficult to talk about,” can help reduce defensiveness.
Be curious, open and reciprocal as you get to the heart of the matter: Share others’ impact on you and be open to hearing your impact on others. Illicit more information and weave backwards and forwards between sharing and gathering. Try asking, “Tell me more about . . . or tell me more about the impact on you. What does it mean to you? Here’s what it means to me. What’s important to you about it? Here’s what’s important to me.”
Hold things as dilemmas that you both have: As much as is appropriate, try to avoid approaching differences from the frame of one person holding a good perspective and the other a bad perspective; or that one is right, and one is wrong. When we hold things as a dilemma that we both have, there is an intention to find a solution that can work for both parties.
By communicating with curiosity and care, both parties can gain insight into each other’s needs and collaborate toward positive change. These conversations may take time and may not always go as planned, but patience and persistence will foster more meaningful interactions.
Insight Three: Set (or Revisit) Boundaries with Compassion
Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. They define what you are and are not available for and communicate that both parties are respected and valued. Setting or revisiting boundaries doesn’t mean creating distance—it’s about fostering a connection that honors each person’s needs and well-being.
To establish compassionate boundaries:
Be clear and direct: Instead of hinting at discomfort, express your needs explicitly. For example, “I need time to recharge after work before catching up.”
Frame boundaries by asking for what you do want, rather than stating what you don’t want: Instead of “Don’t call me late at night,” try, “I’d prefer that we talk earlier in the evening.”
Stay consistent: Enforcing boundaries with kindness helps ensure they are respected over time.
Be flexible when necessary: While consistency is important, some situations may require adjustments. Having open conversations about evolving boundaries ensures they remain relevant and effective.
Be clear about your limits: Be clear with yourself and others where your limits are. Reflect on and express, “I can shift up to this point. Beyond that I’m not willing to shift.” Know your own lines in the sand.
Respect others’ boundaries as well: Just as you have limits, so do those around you. Practicing mutual respect strengthens relationships and builds trust over time.
If someone resists a boundary, reaffirm its importance calmly and confidently, ensuring the conversation remains rooted in mutual understanding rather than conflict. Healthy boundaries create space for authentic connection, clarity of expectations, and help prevent resentment, making relationships more fulfilling for everyone involved.
Resetting relationship dynamics isn’t about pointing fingers or assigning blame—it’s a sign of care and growth. Taking the time to reflect, communicate with compassion, and establish boundaries fosters deeper understanding and balance in relationships. Change may not happen overnight, but small, consistent and intentional steps toward healthier interactions have a lasting impact.
FEAP is Here for You
If navigating these changes feels overwhelming, seeking support can be beneficial. The Faculty and Employee Assistance Program (FEAP) offers confidential support, guidance and personalized tools to help you cultivate stronger, healthier connections and embrace a more supportive way of relating to others and yourself.
About the Author
Monica Maughlin
Monica is skilled in supporting adults, adolescents, and children through a wide range of challenges. She has experience helping people navigate crisis, depression, anxiety, and both personal and professional relationships. Monica also works closely with individuals and families to improve communication, strengthen parenting skills, manage stress, and address everyday concerns at home or in the workplace.