Honoring Your Journey: Coping with Anniversary Reactions (Revisited)
FEAP Team
(This article was originally published in October 2023 in the FEAP Newsletter)
Note: In remembrance of student-athletes Devin Chandler, Lavel Davis Jr., and D’Sean Perry, the University Chapel bells will toll at 1:55 p.m., on Wednesday, November 13, 2024. The bells will play the first verse of Amazing Grace, followed by three chimes honoring Devin, Lavel, and D’Sean. All members of the University community are encouraged to step outside, wherever they are on Grounds, to observe the moment. For those on North and West Grounds, UVA Facilities Management is working to activate a speaker system connected to the Chapel bells so that community members across Grounds can participate in the moment.
Amid approaching anniversaries, it is important that we be aware of our own unique reactions. “An ‘anniversary reaction’ is an increase in distress around the anniversary of a traumatic event, i.e., loss, divorce, breakups, childhood experiences, etc.” (National Center for PTSD). The anniversary reactions possess a rhythm, arriving on time, carrying a potent emotional charge with them, and often leaving us feeling unsettled.
Our bodies indeed hold memories, just as our minds do. We may discern both emotional and physical cues, signaling that we’ve been stirred or triggered by these anniversaries. Such experiences could manifest as the unwelcome intrusion of thoughts, memories, flashbacks, and nightmares; or perhaps a tendency towards avoidance, accompanied by shifts in our inner landscape, like sadness, anger, and guilt.
Although many signs of distress can be conspicuous, many are hard to identify. We must listen to our bodies during a challenging anniversary. A nervous edge, a sense of fearfulness, a tendency towards defensiveness, or a subtle struggle with sleep and focus are symptoms of arousal that are a part of our intricate survival response: to fight, flee, or freeze when our body and mind sense danger. These instincts rise in us and are totally normal, but it’s vital to acknowledge that these anniversary reactions can rekindle the embers of traumatic stress and PTSD that could affect how we experience a day, week, month, or even longer. The following tips intend to help you cope with reactions in the face of challenging anniversaries.
Prepare with Purpose
Uncertainty often takes the lead in the initial year following a significant event. It’s a time of unpredictability, where the path is hard to see. If you recognize a vulnerability within, consider what you’ll need ahead of time. In preparation for an anniversary, proactively eliminating any unnecessary stressors can be beneficial. You might also consider making plans to be in the company of trusted, supportive friends and cherished family members who you find fit to share this vulnerable time with you. Connecting with others is proven to help us reduce distress.
You may find it beneficial to craft a deliberate plan that is intimately connected with your experience of loss or trauma. Make a plan for the day that feels right to you. You may feel inclined to join a community gathering, make a donation, bake a cake, ground yourself in nurturing new life by planting a bush or tree, or you could simply light a candle. In whatever way you decide to honor this moment, the act of commemoration holds the potential to transform and comfort. It invites you to weave threads of meaning, claim ownership of your narrative, and find reconciliation with the various facets of your journey.
Cultivating your Inner-Connection & Strength
There are many ways to embrace our ability to navigate emotions and find our footing amidst challenges. Perhaps the most straightforward way to cultivate a sense of inner-connection and strength is first to believe that we can manage and cope with our own feelings. Simply believing this can help you work through difficult moments like challenging anniversaries. For those inclined, you might consider taking a pause to explore your spirituality. Many discover that a connection with a higher power can work as steadfast anchor in the face of life’s trials. Equally important is the courageous act of rewriting our narrative. It beckons us to choose the lens through which we view ourselves and the communities we call home. This may include adopting an identity rooted in resilience and survivorship rather than one tethered to victimhood. Remember, in our stories, we wield the pen.
Honor your journey
The anniversary reaction is a temporary visitor, a common experience on this human journey. In time, its grip tends to loosen, often within a span of a few weeks. However, there is no time-limit to such an experience, if discomfort and symptoms of distress persist, honor it and do not hesitate to seek out the support you deserve.
Steps for Managing Triggering Moments
Identify
Begin by recognizing the specific situations, words, actions, or events that stir up your deep emotional reactions.
Pause
Take a moment to pause and reflect on the ‘why’ behind your feelings, seeking to uncover the underlying causes and the intricate patterns that shape your emotional responses.
Observe
Ground yourself in the present moment. Tune into your thoughts, feelings, and the subtle sensations coursing through your body. This mindful presence grants you a clearer lens through which to perceive your reactions.
Consider
Once you've unveiled your triggers and untangled the threads of your emotions, the canvas is yours to paint anew. Seek out healthy, nourishing ways to respond. It might mean taking a step back, expressing yourself with a calm and steady voice, or seeking support from those who understand and hold space for you.
Practice
Cultivate practices that a low you to skillfully navigate the ebb and flow of your emotions. Deep breathing, meditation, and, if needed, seeking professional guidance, are a l helpful tools.
Contact FEAP
FEAP (8am-5pm M-F): 434-243-2643 (uvafeap.com)
FEAP After-Hours Support: 434-243-2643