Silence the Inner Critic: Empowering Tools to Foster Positive Self-Talk
November 2024 - Mary Sherman
We all have the judge within us who judges us, others, or situations harshly. Why do we do this?
We have a negativity bias that makes us look for the negative which has allowed us to survive. We do not need to hold on to positive experiences for survival, so those experiences are fleeting. Dr. Rick Hanson talks about positive being like Teflon and negative being like Velcro. Basically, we are designed to do this.
What can we do to stop the harsh inner critic? Meet ourselves with self-compassion.
Dr. Kristin Neff teaches us to:
Treating self with kindness vs. self-judgment
Sharing a common humanity vs. isolation
Building mindfulness vs. over-identification
We identify that we are experiencing some pain or suffering (which can be triggered by not meeting our expectations). We feel isolated when we feel pain/suffering, so reminding ourselves that pain and suffering is something that connects all of humanity as every person does at times in their life. We then talk to ourselves like we would a good friend. “If my good friend Sally was in this situation I am experiencing, what would I say to Sally?” This gives us the wording to use with ourselves. As a bonus, in the compassion part of the brain we have serotonin, dopamine, progesterone and we connect with our wise brain. So, in reality, it is smart to be kind to ourselves.
We can also be curious as we cannot be curious and judgmental at the same time. Here are some curious questions we can ask ourselves:
What am I grateful for?
What am I missing, overlooking?
How can I reframe and zoom out?
Is there another perspective I can take?
What progress have I made today?
When did I feel most safe?
What can I appreciate about myself, this person, this situation?
What lessons are there for me in this moment?
If you want to learn more about how to Silence the Inner Critic: Empowering Tools to Foster Positive Self-Talk, join us on November 19 from Noon- 1 p.m. via zoom for this UVA Hoos Well reward eligible webinar (last webinar that is eligible for reward this year for UVA employees using Aetna). Register for this Hoos Well reward-eligible webinar.
You can also reach out to FEAP to set up an appointment to learn ways to reduce your inner critic or help with many other issues.
About the Author
Mary Sharman
A member of the FEAP team since 1996, Mary Sherman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Employee Assistance Professional in Virginia.
Mary offers expertise in coaching, stress management, and more, helping individuals navigate diverse personal and workplace challenges.