Tenderness During the Holiday Season: Coping with Challenges of Holiday Stress, Grief, and Caregiving

Shane Moran and FEAP Team

Dec 17, 2024

The holiday season often arrives dressed in lights and laughter, promising joy, connection, and celebration. But beneath the garlands, for many, the holidays also amplify life’s heavier burdens—grief that feels sharp and unrelenting, caregiving pressures that demand more energy than we have, or emotional anniversaries that return as faithful as winter’s cooling temperatures. Recognizing and caring for these challenges is an act of compassion—toward yourself and those you love—and it can make all the difference. Let’s talk about ways to navigate this season.

The Holiday Season Can Be Challenging

Holidays often magnify what is already tender within us: the weight of loss, fractured relationships, sobriety that requires guarding, or responsibilities that can feel too heavy to bear. Acknowledging these struggles—saying yes, this is hard—can create space for relief. When we focus on what we can control, we gently loosen the grip of holiday stress.

Strategies for Tough Holidays

Take intentional time for yourself each day—sit quietly with a cup of tea, read something, or lose yourself in a restorative activity. You deserve that space.
Set boundaries—Let people know how much of yourself you’re willing to give this year. And if you’re overwhelmed, name it and step back.
Create meaningful rituals—light a candle for someone you miss, savor a quiet meal, or find a small tradition that feels uniquely yours.
Gift yourself grace and freedom—Focus on your own actions and feelings rather than the behaviors or expectations of others.
Support loved ones gently—reduce triggers where you can, listen with presence, and offer mutual understanding.

Coping with Anniversary Reactions

Anniversaries of loss, trauma, or life’s pivots carry their own currents. Our bodies remember even when our minds try not to. You might feel anxious, tired, or unexpectedly raw—signs that memory is stirring beneath the surface. Recognizing this allows you to meet these moments with intention, rather than resistance.

Tips for Honoring Anniversaries:

Prepare with Purpose: Limit unnecessary stressors, surround yourself with trusted company, and let your day tenderly unfold.
Commemorate Meaningfully: Honor your journey. Light a candle, write a letter, plant something that will grow and remind you that life is precious.
Connect to Self: Shift your story toward resilience. If you feel drawn to it, lean into mindfulness or spirituality, tenderly anchoring yourself.
Care for Yourself: Tune into your emotional triggers and respond gently. Take a deep breath, go for a walk, or seek comfort in trusted spaces and people.

Managing Grief

If you’re grieving, the holidays can sharpen absence into a keen edge. There’s no roadmap for grief, only the willingness to walk with it, to allow it, and to rest when you need to. It is a natural response to love and loss—one that deserves your time and tenderness.

Ways to Manage Grief:

Allow yourself to feel—whatever rises, without judgment.
Say “yes” to what nourishes you, and “no” to what drains you. You’re allowed to express what you need.
Create a new tradition: share memories, plant a tree, or make a donation in your loved one’s name.
Lean on others when the weight feels too much. Reach out.

And remember, support is available. Even during the holidays—excluding Christmas Eve (open until noon), Christmas Day (Closed) and New Year’s Day (Closed)—FEAP remains open to support you.

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Balancing Responsibilities During the Holidays

For caregivers, the holidays can feel like an impossible balancing act—a collision of expectations and reality. You might find yourself pouring from an empty cup, exhausted by guilt or perfectionism. Let yourself release the need to do it all; joy often hides in imperfection.

Tips to Balance Caregiving:

Reframe Your Mindset: Celebrate realistic, joyful moments—not perfection.
Foster Gratitude: Write down what you’re thankful for and share it. Gratitude is a reminder of abundance, even in difficulty.
Practice Self-Care: Simplify tasks and accept help. Care for yourself first—like that oxygen mask on an airplane, you need your breath too.
Communicate Openly: Let loved ones know your limits and invite shared responsibility.
Take Breaks and Savor Joy: Allow yourself a laugh, a movie, a playful pause. Joy is not an escape; it is medicine.

A Season of Gentle Acceptance

The holidays are, perhaps, a great practice of care—care for ourselves, for others, and for the truth of where we are. Not every moment will sparkle; some will ache. But within this season, even in its challenges, there is room for grace—to rest, to honor, to reflect, and to love. Be gentle with yourself as you move through it.

It is no small feat to hold space for your own tender heart. To notice your needs and honor them, even on the hardest days, and to call it beautiful is miraculous. The ability to see beauty persist, even when the light feels dim.

You are not alone in this season. There is care to be found—in others, in small rituals, and within yourself. Take it as you need, and offer it back when you can.

Contact FEAP

FEAP (8am-5pm M-F): 434-243-2643 (uvafeap.com)
Crisis & Care Coordinator (8am-5pm M-F): 434-995-8305 (uvafeap.com)
FEAP After-Hours Support: 434-243-2643

About the Author

Shane M. Moran

Shane Moran is a Communications Specialist with UVA HR, where he supports the communications and marketing efforts for UVA's Total Rewards Programs. He is dedicated to sharing vital information with faculty and staff about physical and mental health, aiming to help them stay healthy and fulfilled as they contribute to the University's 2030 Plan vision—to be both great and good.

Shane holds a degree in Government and English from the College of William & Mary and is currently pursuing an MFA in Poetry at The New School in New York City.

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